𝓣𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽..

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉..

By sending me to a boarding school would make into a better person,

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉..

By letting me stand by my own feet without lending me a hand would make into a stronger person,

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉..

By making me live that way would make realise how real life works,

𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓊𝓃𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓉𝓊𝓃𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎,

I have hated myself more than anything since that day.

Everything was under control but not until everyone showed their true colours,

Have you ever wondered why I put up a big dang wall in my life?

Because I hate engaging with things that reminds me of the past.

I become more secretive than I ever be.

I become more cold than I ever be.

I developed a massive hatred feeling in me.

I become someone who is hard to deal with now.

I become someone with a trust issue, but you still got the nerves to say I was being complicated.

I have developed an anxious feeling that trigger my whole body and soul.

I become someone who is hoping to die more that I used to be back then.

I become someone that loves to stay in the dark and let the darkness engulf me.

I become someone who cries for nothing but pain.

I become someone who is getting forget the definition of being kind.

I become someone who is denying the words, "You are one of the strongest girls" because that is a total bullshit.

However, 

I have suffered quite a lot mentally.

Have you ever asked me whether I was truthfully okay?

Besides from asking grades, have you ever asked how my mental was?

I had to go through shits for 5 years after losing someone who I used to feel like Second Home.

I had to wake up with different dramas everyday.

If I voiced it out now, they probably said, "You should have let go of the past."

I am letting it go but do you think I would easily forget how terrified and lonely I could be?

𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓃,

I went back first home hoping it would heal my broken soul.

How stupid of me for thinking that way.

A place that I called as home was never existed.

I had to go through more dramas and shits again, again and again.

Why would you expect me to be fine when I was being in this kind of situation?

For fuck sake, this is ain't about being strong.

I have been keeping inside of me since forever.

You've got the nerve to shove "you're weak" on my face.

Have you ever looked at yourself and considered yourself as a mental abuser?

Have you ever thought that way?

Bitc-

You won't.

All of you, are the same.

Bitching as much as you want.

We all are going to die anyway.

It is just a matter of time.

I don't know how long I can bear with this pain.

I feel numb already.

But, I believe He is with me.

I never stop believing in Him.

He is my saviour,

He pulls me back whenever I'm one step closer to the dead end,

When I become like this,

It isn't because I have no faith in Him.

It's clearly because of the circle I live in.

The people,

Family,

Friends.

It has nothing to do with my belief. 

But,

It has to do with you, sick-minded people.

Thank you for teaching me what love is in a brutal way.

Because, it leads me to hate few things in a brutal way too.

-shws