𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉..
By sending me to a boarding school would make into a better person,
𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉..
By letting me stand by my own feet without lending me a hand would make into a stronger person,
𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉..
By making me live that way would make realise how real life works,
𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓊𝓃𝒻𝑜𝓇𝓉𝓊𝓃𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓎,
I have hated myself more than anything since that day.
Everything was under control but not until everyone showed their true colours,
Have you ever wondered why I put up a big dang wall in my life?
Because I hate engaging with things that reminds me of the past.
I become more secretive than I ever be.
I become more cold than I ever be.
I developed a massive hatred feeling in me.
I become someone who is hard to deal with now.
I become someone with a trust issue, but you still got the nerves to say I was being complicated.
I have developed an anxious feeling that trigger my whole body and soul.
I become someone who is hoping to die more that I used to be back then.
I become someone that loves to stay in the dark and let the darkness engulf me.
I become someone who cries for nothing but pain.
I become someone who is getting forget the definition of being kind.
I become someone who is denying the words, "You are one of the strongest girls" because that is a total bullshit.
However,
I have suffered quite a lot mentally.
Have you ever asked me whether I was truthfully okay?
Besides from asking grades, have you ever asked how my mental was?
I had to go through shits for 5 years after losing someone who I used to feel like Second Home.
I had to wake up with different dramas everyday.
If I voiced it out now, they probably said, "You should have let go of the past."
I am letting it go but do you think I would easily forget how terrified and lonely I could be?
𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓃,
I went back first home hoping it would heal my broken soul.
How stupid of me for thinking that way.
A place that I called as home was never existed.
I had to go through more dramas and shits again, again and again.
Why would you expect me to be fine when I was being in this kind of situation?
For fuck sake, this is ain't about being strong.
I have been keeping inside of me since forever.
You've got the nerve to shove "you're weak" on my face.
Have you ever looked at yourself and considered yourself as a mental abuser?
Have you ever thought that way?
Bitc-
You won't.
All of you, are the same.
Bitching as much as you want.
We all are going to die anyway.
It is just a matter of time.
I don't know how long I can bear with this pain.
I feel numb already.
But, I believe He is with me.
I never stop believing in Him.
He is my saviour,
He pulls me back whenever I'm one step closer to the dead end,
When I become like this,
It isn't because I have no faith in Him.
It's clearly because of the circle I live in.
The people,
Family,
Friends.
It has nothing to do with my belief.
But,
It has to do with you, sick-minded people.
Thank you for teaching me what love is in a brutal way.
Because, it leads me to hate few things in a brutal way too.
-shws